i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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