Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
