3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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