how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
