I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
