he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
