i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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