i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
