My hand turned me down
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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