She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
