His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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