I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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