just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If its not for food we ain't going out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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