dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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