I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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