I wish I only lived at night.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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