This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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