i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
