I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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