I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
