Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
