he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
