the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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