I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
