Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
