I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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