NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
