maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
