Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
