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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.

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• (951): View more from California

  His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format

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• (518): View more from New York

  I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option

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• (524): View more from

  I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door

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