I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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