i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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