I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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