My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
