hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
