Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
