I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
