i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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