this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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