Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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