I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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