I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
