I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
