Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
