remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
