the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
