He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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