Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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