After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
