God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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