Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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