I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
