She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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