Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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