and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
