My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
