I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That accounts for only three of the penises
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
