It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
