My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
