nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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