Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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