So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
